A Little something to Remember
fills you, when you see things happen out of the blue in the way you may have wanted, at the right time! This is true for anything:-)
I had this guilt of not building a routine for kids household chores, as I genuinely believe that it has to come with shared responsibility, interest and acknowledging one another and not forced upon. But what has been bothering me in the back of my mind was ‘Am I taking efforts and creating opportunities for it to happen?’
Over the years, Yuvan has willingly done house chores like setting the dining table, clearing it, grocery shopping as well as assisting on anything when one needs help at home; learning to reheat food etc at a pace of his own, on top of being responsible for some of his very own chores – that mummy insists must be on his own. This also seemingly worked well with ‘wanting to be more independent’ phase of his!
But I had always thought about why he has not been picking up chores like mopping, which I genuinely believe is a core job on top of cooking and cleaning to be shared by everyone in the family. I had also thought of his mind set etc (now I know it was unnecessary..) towards these chores! Suddenly, in the last week or so, he had willingly learnt to use the pail with spinner and mop small areas such as kitchen, store room and living room after cleaning the fish tank etc., And I can see he is genuinely willing to do it and I appreciate that. And off course no mind set issues! He has been learning how to wash the rice before cooking too.He also has conversations about me being naggy and at the 5th minute after complaining and being grumpy, checking on how am I getting home/office after I drop him at school.This boy never fails to amaze me as much as he makes me go crazy!Love you Yuvan!The important thing I want you to remember is Be respectful and be a Gentleman!
Food always brings Nostalgia, isn’t it?
Recently I have been noticing that lot of emotions are connected to food and intertwined with relationships! For example, people who cooked for you, people who served your cravings right and the people whom you always eat with… and the list goes on!
Even “Let’s meet for a coffee… or breakfast” is always associated with people. If I think, one doesn’t share a meal-time or a coffee-time unless that person significantly is a part of your life!
I always associate food with my emotions, happy, sad, homesick (Yes! you read that right… Homesick is a feeling for me!).
When I am happy, I would treat myself with a brownie or when I tell myself “Well, you deserve a brownie for all the hard work and the result you have achieved”, when I am down and homesick, I typically make very Coimbatorean home cooked meals and eat with the right combination – Brown Upma with Yoghurt/Banana; Rasam with Scrambled Eggs; Tamarind rice with home made potato chips and the list goes on!
There are certain recipes when I eat, I get reminded of my Mom’s kitchen and eating at home in India – Poori and Potato Masala; Idli and Chicken Gravy!
There are days that I land in Coimbatore and crave for something and my bestie would drive me to the odd but favourite places where we eat Grilled Chicken, a completely Vegan restraurant where we indulge in early morning Hot Pongal and Vadai, a Dessert Haunt for Rasagulla and not to forget our favourite street food vendor who sells North Indian Chats.
One of the best New Year Eve was spent driving around the city and having Idli and Dosai from Kaiyaenthi Bhavan and a mid night Coffee at Cafe Day!
Even in SG, there are only a specific set of people with whom I meet for Breakfast or had gone out for lunch with. Yuvan and me bond over food too, be it home-cooked or eating out his favourite Thai or the very Singaporean Satay and Chicken Rice!
I love taking my Mom out whenever I am back home, I cherish are the evening outs with my cousin A, my brother and Yuvan eating out or bonding over lunch/dinner at either one of the home’s.
So looking at it Food and my Relationships are so intertwined and completely emotional for me! Its meaningful!
A year where we survived as a mother and son – handling Year 5 (me especially so perplexed after so many colleagues and friends shared what it is to move from grade 4 to grade 5), Yuvan playing two competitive sports – Floorball for his school as a Captain, Cricket for his club and representing both under 11’s and under 13’s (not all matches) and came out well I should say. Yuvan did quite well in academics I should say, at floorball and also was selected as an ‘All Stars Team’ member at the end end of the cricket season, won a man of the match award, ended up being on the winning team for both u-11 and u-13, all of these but not without the lows, which we survived together, introspected and learnt our lessons as we went along…
On top it he explored his skills as an MC at the school hosting, Olympics week, musical performances during recess and his book review ‘A boy who knew everything’ got half of the class interested in reading it. And, I also managed to complete a very intensive work loaded Certification course which was long overdue.
We survived I should say, and we literally unwound the whole of Decemeber trying to do what we like — reinvented our board game evenings and nights, ate our heart out, read a lot, went home to India and enjoyed the quietness, managed to squeeze a mom-kids trip and what not!
Personally I managed stress quite well I guess without transferring it on him, but only I knew how anxious I was… sigh (something to work on!)
Its also a year that I did lot of soul searching – realised a lot more good in me through unexpected sources.
Yuvan too grew up as a person as I have seen him manage friendships and some fun childhood issues that comes with it, relationships and himself in total… I have to accept I got lot to learn from this little fellow..
2017 is going to be another important year and I really hope all goes well!
I felt like writing this to you, Yuvan, 3 years after I wrote my first letter… Thinking back, many things have not changed in the last few years, but you have grown up with me in it, you have understood the intricacies and you have been my pillar of strength…We have learnt to row our boat amidst the waves and have sometimes fallen off it but swam back to the boat too!
I can safely say ‘You are more of my friend, a companion and offcourse the wonderful son you are’ We have shared conversations that are beyond your age, we have done things that are of your age… I should say, I enjoy both… You are such a confidante… Probably I should say that you are the only person to whom I have shared my innermost fears and have rationalized.. and you seem to understand me…
You have been such a supporting, responsible lad in everyway possible who is also loved by all.. we have had our very own ‘lost it’ moments… I am trying everyday to be a better parent, please bear with me as I learn…
You have taught me very important life’s lessons and the views you share with me on quite a lot of personal front, just amazes me. The best I have learned from you through your actions and our conversations, which I still struggle to follow is ‘Silence is virtue.. and you just dont have to respond if you know its better not to respond’
I love the way we communicate just with non-verbals mostly eye notions… I love the dinners we share, the coffee time and I have to admit I like teaching you too.. Needless to say, I love cooking for you!
You are such an inspiration to me and I learn from you every single day! You have been quite open and transparent with me except for a few very silly things that you shouldnt have.. but please do remain the way you are and we will reach the goals and grow together!
I am impressed the way you are taking your competitive sport (and trying your best to balance with academic expectations). I am a proud mom looking at how your teammates bond with you, love you and encourage and adore you. I know you return the same too.. Keep going!
I am baffled and confused as you start your pre-teen years.. I am nervous and anxious! Lets go through this journey together, better and in a best possible way for both of us!
I love you Yuvan and you know what your flaws are… I am pretty proud to be your mother. The way you analyse things and put it into perspective be it in academics or personal or competitive sports, just makes me go ‘*open mouthed* Ohhh I see…’ Keep it up and continue it.. I love those perspectives from you!
Just remember one thing ‘Every action will have an equal and opposite reaction. You know your values, you know your strengths and weakness… Act accordingly!’
More to come from me as a parent but I love you as you are Yuvan! Have a blessed year and many more!
is something everyone would cherish and people who play competitive sport would relate to instantly.
Today was Yuvanz second ever since he started playing competitive junior league cricket. Both me and Eash couldn’t make it was I was down with fever (damn..!) but he came home with a huge smile and the MoM match ball award. It’s for his 4/14 and 11 of 9 unbeaten ina 20 overs Howzatt game where a batsman gets to bat only 20 balls.
I am glad the cricketing group parents made sure they snapped pics especially his good friend’s Dad and shared it with me… Blessed to have them.. It’s God’s own way of reassuring me I believe..
Yuvanz man of the match comes after a good 4 weeks break from cricket to focus just on academics… So am in a way relived we managed to balance (off course with me pullinnnnnnnggggg hair) both…
I know this has made Yuvan content, boosted his confidence and what not.. Playing competitive sport has definitely its fairshare of pro’s –playing as a team, dealing with loss and wins and many more which I perosnally belives in shaping one holistically!
could happen in different circumstances.. for example – when you are forced to live in an environment where majority of the population speak a language which you don’t or when you happen to have a friend’s circle who speak a different language as a majority, or in a typical Indian home setting, where you are forced to learn a new language in school for various reasons..
Yuvan, for not the above reasons, but since our choice school that we thought will be a right fit for him and as well liked in SG, the second language or the compulsory Mother Tongue had to be Hindi and not Tamil if not for the other two national languages at that point. We made a decision as we liked the school in particular and thought/convinced oursleves, ‘Oh.. let him learn Hindi, it will be useful for him too’
Though I was aware of the strength and vastness of the MT syllabus, I was not prepared to go through the stress of not able to help as much as I would like to, me being me.. But we coped and are coping with help…But whenever we had to cope under difficult circumstances, I had doubted myself about the choice we made, what he is going through and whether he will pick up the language as a skill or just be like me without the speaking skill of that new language as he didn’t seem to be interested to communicate with Eash in the language…
I have even been advised by many that if he doesnt speak socially its not worth it as well as whethere were we really sure its something that would help him etc…Well parenting advisees and questions all over… even from unexpected quarters…
But, as I always believe, God really shows me the way in his own ways of communications whenever I have felt under the weather or unsure in all matters big and small (Thats why I belive in my intutions more and that’s good and bad I say…) It was the second time in this week, as I was home, sick, I noticed him speak Hindi fluently over the phone. The first time was to his friend S, started off with casual one sentencer and then he shifted back to English. But the second time was when I really felt good… It happenned when he had to return a call to his friend and his granny picked the call (I knew she can only speak Hindi well) and he immediately changed to Hindi and made a good conversation for about 3 -4 mins, which was so heartening to me. Thankful and grateful to the LORD again for the assurances that keeps me going!
It was a definitely a reassurance that he has picked up the inportant skill and uses it when needed…It’s a parenting moment too as I woe to travel with Yuvan throughout… Love you Yuvan…
Sometimes moments like these give me the happinness and something to smile about especially when as my brain works overtime in search of sanity!
is what I experienced… Though I am not a believer in ‘days’, in retrospect I think these days can be seen as days for people to remember to say thanks and take a moment to appreciate and as well serve as a reminder to people who take others for granted.
Having said that, I got some subtle messages, a reminder from the Almighty himself to me.. We followed our heart, me and Yu went out for a very very late dinner last night to satisfy my Tandoori Chicken craving and we were in a taxi driven by a very elderly uncle. He was calm, composed and we stuck a conversation. The parting words from him, as we alighted were, ‘I know you youngsters work very hard and I know you as a mom will be trying to spend as much as time with your family, which is right ‘cos family is more important… Don’t work too hard and don’t forget to take time for yourself…’
A day prior to all this, Yuvan and me stuck a casual conversation and he asked, ‘Why should they have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day separately? I strongly suggest that it should be one day called Parents Day’ (His rationale behind this is the struggle to remember two dates and the ever indicating Mummy.. Boys are Boys!)
But, this made me think a little bit more introspectively – actually I love the cards he gives me; but I think my happiness is when he is better behaved, independent but not arrogant, and shows respect to everyone, tries to be a honest and genuine human being! And I did tell him about it, that I don’t expect a card, so he doesn’t have to force himself but I want him to show what he means in the values he carries and follows within himself, throughout!
Mother’s Day was just another normal day and we headed off to his league cricket match. I have realised that me being there through the match at the dugout sometimes puts a little extra pressure on him and my superstitions also come into play… As we both deal with these individual demons, I dropped him off for the match and left thinking to rejoin for their second innings. My mind was definitely thinking about him and wishing the best. I have to admit I am still the anxious, nervous mom!
I came back in and the first thing one of the cricket moms told me was, ‘Yuvan’z mummy, Yuvan batted so well.. the parents were asking the team, who is this Virat Kohli..’ Ah well.. a true mummy moment..:-) But I was battling my own demons as his team was still fighting to win and the opposition placed well.
Yuvan fielded well, came back to bowl a crucial 17th over. I was just not looking at him completely for obvious reasons and he took two wickets in that over and his team was pumped with positive energy. They went on to win this crucial fixture.. It was a good day overall.
Yuvan’s head coach is known for his straight forward talking and he pushes the boys to their limits to get the best out of them. Any indisipline, arogance and not sticking to the basics never goes unnoticed and the message will be immediately conveyed.. I was glad to witness and see he was one of the players who has maintained not to be scolded or told off for indiscipline or arrogance so far, which I think is the quality of being grounded I want him to follow through his entire life… Also learning to take defeat and success in the same light and to understand that there is always a little something to take away in any situation and improve and learn a life’s valuable lesson are the keys! Yuvan, trying to hold on to and practice these made my day and I told him quite openly that this show of values is my biggest gift of the day and would appreciate if he continues so…
And I also have to credit the coaching team for instilling teamspirit and leadership qualities in the young minds.. As the team assembled, with no initiations and the coaches still not at the ground, the team automatically started to practice. What a sight it was, as I am someone who believes coaching/teaching is just not only about skill developing but much much more!
The other thing was completely unexpected today! As I waded into Giordano today, they asked me whether am I a member and a mom and then gifted me with a Mother’s Day cake bounty!! Surprise! Surprise!
I am also truly indebted to two people in this world, 1. My mom who has instilled great fundamental values in me and truly gave me space to grow as an individual to who I am today. I know I will always be a ‘little girl’ to her… 2. The little man Yuvan who has given me courage, hope, confidence, laughter and some amazing life’s lessons through his uncomplicated way of looking at life, as I walk through my own little insecurities being a person, mom and a parent! Thanks and I love you both… Though I don’t believe in ‘Days’, I want to take this opportunity to appreciate, be grateful and thankful, for what the Almighty has given me in these two people to me! And thankful to the Almighty too…