Being a parent is every parent’s individual exciting story and every child is also a different individual.
Having said that, as a parent, the journey for me so far has had its own ups and downs and I have learned from every single parenting hit and miss. I have had my ‘Mummy moments’, crazy stressful days and ‘Magnum/chocalate days’.
Also, along the way I have read ‘n’ number of parenting articles – contemplated and argued about the same within my mind, about which/what may work for us and what am I not doing right. I have also tried many suggestions to improve my parenting after my ‘mum instinct’ vouched for it. Some articles have served me as reassurances that what I am probably doing at that juncture is right… Everyone likes reassurances – isn’t it?
As Yuvan is only three years shy of getting into his teens, I have always wondered and kind of perplexed about what challenges it would throw at me and how am I going to face them? But I always have belived some positive parenting habits had to be established right from the beginning to enjoy or rather survive the teen parenting stage.
The article talks about ‘10 parenting habits to develop before your child turns into a teen’. I am happy that I have established that but the challenge would be to sustain it.
If you are a parent this is a must read:-) Out of all the 10, everything except No.2 falls in the ‘To sustain’ category, for me. No. 2 is work in progress and I will take it even more seriously from this minute.
Though I don’t give religion an importance, I do believe in the existence of Almighty and his unique ways of communication…
I, as a person not only trust my intuitions but also believe in the messages that reach me indirectly… Be it the ones I accidentally bump on the web or the conversations I tend to have with people from unexpected quarters, I just know certain messages are sent to me by HIM..
The conversations are the ones that really amaze me because there are definite messages sent subtly in situations that I really needed not few cents worth but a 100 dollar note instead to bring some sanity within me… Offcourse there are fair share of people who spread negativity but I have learned (still learning) to not be affected by them and not impulsively react to it too…
The experience I had a few days ago is one such but way out of the box experience that I literally cried after..
I was engulfed with thoughts about Yuvanz marks, (after his little chat over the phone that he realised and understood how he has lost some marks and how he shouldn’t have). I was thinking on the lines of what should I do to get those marks lost ‘cos of whatver reasons it may be, am I doing it right, should I plan even better and does he realise that I love him above all and other truck loads more of a very driven and anxious Mummy, when I called for a cab to pick Y, drop him off in a class and then proceed to run my errands…
The cabbie was a very calm composed guy who started making small chat, though my lips smiled I was super occupied and was not in a mood to make any comparision…He offered whether he could turn on some music and sing along… And then he said THIS, ‘I want you to feel the happiness when you go out of taxi…’ And the the conversation wandered and he said THIS, without me sharing my concerns nor showing any signs at all… ‘Now-a-days parents compare for no reason and stress themselves, they compare among the kids, even though the kid might have worked hard and scored better marks they say either why you lost the remaining marks or why you lost more than your earlier exam or why you lost more than the guy who scored the first mark… this is unnecessary as down the line the 10 or so marks lost doesn’t matter at all.. It’s how they progress from primary to secondary and to uni and then hold on to a job and in the process how they become a better person and human being is more important…Parents must feel the joy in the fullness and encourage them… In this process all you need to be watchful is the friends they make, the habits they pick and how to guide them…’
What a message just sent to me as if someone is talking to me on behalf? He also added, ‘Don’t Worry.. you are going to be alright so as your son…’ Also he did find out whether I do this picking and dropping often how I pace it and what is my rationale…
As we picked up Yuvan, the cabbie stuck up a quick conversation and then told him, ‘Do you know that you mom loves you soo much and she does little things to bond with you.. I know you love your mom too..’ Yuvan blushed…
The messenger not only answered my insecurities he also was the messenger to Yuvan to let him know I love him… What an experience it was..I just cant explain more:-) Its a feeling I will never be able to express…
He reassured me more after we dropped off Yuvan and finally when I alighted I had to accept and tell him , with a glaze in my eyes.. And all he spoke was just answering my thoughts that has been bugging me… I said, ‘Uncle, I am not sure whether you belive in messengers from God, I do… and you are my biggest messneger in the recent months.. I cant explain at this moment what I have been through in the last 30 mins…But I really feel thankful and I am your cab ride has given me happiness’
What less can I tell him? Is this what we call Serendipity as my friend J said?
After this episode, I am thinking a lot more clearer, calmer and it all seems to make some sense… I am much more less anxious and defintely reviewed the way I look at things.. This is one of my biggest mesages and lessons.. I am thankful to GOD who reminds me in my tougher times that he is there for me in many ways…and when I am unsure he reassures me like this… I am glad I am watched over with Love:-)
is what I call my time in kitchen mostly, ‘cos it really makes me feel good… that’s probably the only time my brain works ‘just’ on the task and nothing less nor more. I like cooking and I love trying new recipes… But I have to admit that I do have phases where I go completely uninspired or have no mood to cook too.
But if I am in a bad mood, or I think I want my own space, the first thing I do is cook up a storm in the kitchen… I also make efforts to wok Yuvan’z favourites in the kitchen with lots of camouflaging to include the necessary greens and what not! And I always keep my fingers for Yuvan’s thumbs up or comments… He he.. he is a real foodie, just like me…
Some soulful cooking in the last month or so, has been a therapy for me…
Click here to find out what’s been cooking in my kitchen in the last month or so…
should be the way to go for me to get back to some real sanity! I have lately discovered (though a friend of mine pointed out long ago) that I am not enjoying the little joys, giving myself a hi-fi when appropriate, cherishing the small quite moments and appreciating the blessings that surrounds me…
It all could be due to my ‘sometimes a bane and sometimes a boon’ characteristic ‘trying and strive to be better than last time’ attitude, which constantly sends my brain and train of thoughts on an extra spin, and as a result I end up not appreciating anything around me nor enjoying or cherishing my blessings.
I decided to change this consciously by making a few adjustments and these few little not so big adjustments to my day(s) has made me defintely feel the difference… Taking bus and MRT more has given myself more time, a sense of self-belonging and a time when I can look around me, people watch and what not, bringing an instant sense of happinnes and smile to my face!
Morning walks whenever possible since this Jan has made me feel good about myself and I have been noticing things around me that I have never noticed in my 10 years of living in SG…. The proof is here (click). Can you imagine, all these pretty things have been around me?
Well, more changes ahead for me to consciously appreciate and I am sure it’s going to make it better for me and offcourse people around me:-) A better calm not so constantly anxious approach to life, may be?
I was challenged by my dear friend Siya on my favourite reads.. I started typing on my phone note pad and I went on and on… so I decided to blog instead…. Thanks for the tag Siya and I just can’t stop talking about books…It’s a part of me!
at times for me, I have to accept! Most of the times I appreciate what Yuvan has been and what Yuvan is… But as every child is I also have my downs with him, he does have moods, he does makes mistakes…. We have a fixing episode every other year I guess,,, It was that today and I believe he got the right message and feel today after it started off ok, went bad and turned out worse before everything was settled… And me being not in the best of my moods for various reasons didn’t help it as well… But I wanted him to know and realise his mistakes, learn from it, be good :-0
A little message for Yuvan!
I love you Yuvan.. I know you are a good boy… all I want to do make you realise the mistakes, learn from it and be the best you can be!
As you grow up, I want you to be gentle, caring, understanding, loving, a person who can rationalize his emotions, respect others feelings and what not! I want you to be real gentle man! I wish, I hope and will do my best to instill those values and bring you up on those lines and so some fixing episodes has to happen and I do it for your own good!
Since you have been good I want you to be so throughout your life! Love you and hugs Yuvan! Amma loves you and we ill be always the best of friends!
I have realized this many a times in my life but never have been able to hang on to it for many a reasons. The reasons include me talking at a wrong time rather to term it as ‘not right time to talk’, being worked up emotionally to the brim, blame game, off course bottled up anger and thinking too much.
I used to be an anger-monger until I was in grade 9 to the extent that I got scared about myself and there was a day that I changed completely after a very inner feel about things but until now I cannot explain or do not know how. But, ever since I have been a changed person.
And again, after soo many years, now, there comes a time when I have realized I have to look at life in a different positive perspective for everyone’s goodness and I have also realized patience is virtue and my anger, emotional hurt all will have to take a back seat and realization needs to kick in! Will I win this emotional battle with myself? It should be a ‘Yes’
I have never written about these kind of feelings ever in my blog (may be very early sometime? – I don’t remember..) I am making it a point to write it here for few reasons
1. I want to get to grips with this and be positive.
2. To tell myself my priority is Yuvan and my family, as it always has been and I donot want to jeopardize the same.
3. To tell myself I want to keep Yuvan happy for all that he is — touch wood!
4. I want to be able to come to this very own space of mine where I have committed to be a sane person with positivism in life, so that I can reassess and reassure myself.
Like my being connected rationalization and realization; I really hope I can do the same in ‘Silence is virtue’ too.. And this is very very important for me and my very own two boys in my life and I have to do this for a lot of reasons known only to myself. And at this point, I am taking a deep breath, hoping and believing that all is well and everything will be alright.
Update on being connected —
Not good — I have been logging in web Facebook definitely more than once — which I am not happy with myself.
Good– I have not updated anything on Facebook. The impulsiveness to know otters reactions has reduced tremendously.
So am I making progress? Yes, but I have to buck up!