‘I am Scared!’

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A phrase I never wanted to hear from Yuvan or a phrase I was not very prepared to handle! But I had to — yesterday!

He seemed well yesterday evening and was quite getting on to our new style of more independent learning. I was helping him with his science as well cooking his favourite pizza, clear soup and tandoori chicken, all seemed fine..

But, the last two days I had also noticed his responses had been frustrated, irritated and a bit rude which I know is not him — I was wondering about what could be troubling him as well I was all prepared to give him my piece of advise if I spot the same behaviour again, as after all that’s not what we want from him.

As I was cooking, he came to the kitchen and told me, ‘amma, can you come to my room? I need to talk to you..’ As I went in, he was already in distress and said, ‘I am scared!’ (My heart skipped a beat as my mind was already thinking ‘n’ number of things ranging from bullying to other things)
I asked him, ‘why Milo?’
Yuvan : ‘Tomo is my swim test, though I am in group 2 even if I fail in one category they will consider as failed in the whole exam’
Me : ‘what is that you can’t do and why are you worried about it cos it’s an enrichment rt?’
Yuvan: I can’t wear and buckle my life jacket in a minute’s time, as I swim…
Me: can you do it if given more time?
Yuvan: I think so… Cos the life saving technique taught my Mr Goh (his regular coach) is slightly different and this I need to do in one minute.. So I am scared ( he was almost in tears) and I am worried what if I don’t get at least a grade B and end up scoring C?
Me: Yuvan, grade is not important. Whether you can do it or not is more important. Don’t stress, give your best shot! You can do it since you can swim well.. Just that you do not have to panic .. But if you could have told Amma about this earlier and we could have asked Mr Goh to teach you in an easier way. But, next time anything please let me know in advance and do not hole up your feelings .. Talk to me !
Yuvan: hmmm
Me: it’s ok ..if you are worried that your ranking will go down, don’t worry only your 3 subjects are taken into account. But you have to learn to do this. Give your best and don’t panic! If you can’t still do it, it’s ok.. It’s not the end of the world.. You can learn to do it with more practice and I don’t mind if you donot get a A or B…
Yuvan: (crying) ok.. But am scared !!
Me: first, don’t be scared.. You can do it and give your best!! Okie?
Wash your face, be strong! Don’t worry so much! Just go and give your best shot!

Hmmm… This is something that I always dread to handle and also that I need to have lot of strength and I am glad I did ..

I have always worried about Yuvan being very competitive to be first in everything .. In a way it’s good but I do not want it to work the other way round. And, I have time and again told him that he will have to face a lot of flaws within himself as it goes by and he needs to handle it with more will power and overcome it rather than being scared and breaking down …and I believe fighting your flaws and correcting it is what makes you..

After the brisk face wash and the talk with me, he wanted to help with the pizza .. And l let him do it to unwind, to be content and happy!

I think he got the message clear .. He was ok and normal this morning and I also did my little pep talk about the same .. It’s just me being me:-p

Love you Yuvan! Don’t be scared!! You can do it .. Even not, you can learn it!!

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